Get Your Marriage Mojo Back

Once upon a time my husband and I met, fell in love, and got engaged.  Soon after the negative comments and predictions began. Time and time again people would see our affection or intimacy and say things like “Ooh, they’re newlyweds, just wait. The honeymoon will be over. Oh, that won’t last for long.” These comments felt like a curse, a looming sentence soon to be reality and a statistic. It felt like there was a looming monster that at some future date would swoop in and snatch away all the bliss and magic that we had created together.The fear that these comments might someday be true for us turned out to be the greatest blessing to our marriage. It ignited something in us and we would talk about it often. It became our mission to tell a new story. We recognized this monster was imaginary and it’s power only lived in our belief in it and the energy we chose to give it.

We saw two paths. The path of believing “the magic disappears with time” and the second path believing “it will be our mission and purpose to keep the magic and bliss alive”. We chose the latter path and even though we didn’t know how we would do it, we had our eyes on the possibility that something great was available. Twelve years later we are still telling the story. It’s not to say we don’t have the ebb and flow that any relationship endures, but we’ve got the commitment and tools to keep the path clear and this is exactly what allows for the magic to show up over and over again.

Here are 5 ways we spark our Marriage Mojo and you can too!

1. Keep talking.  Do you remember when you first got together and talked about every little detail of everything. You shared all the little and big moments, no moments left untouched. Everything was available for sharing but then somewhere along the way, that changed or stopped altogether. All the things you stop talking about eventually build walls to all that you truly desire. You can open the door again at any time. Start talking and sharing the pieces of you that you closed off. It’s all important.
2. Kiss Again.  Remember the early days in your relationship when you could just kiss for hours? Do you kiss anymore? Has it turned into just a peck on the lips or cheek? Kissing is intimate, often more so than having sex. If you’ve stopped kissing, it might be a sign you have also stopped talking. What aren’t you saying that has created a wall between you?
3. Focus your mind.  What you focus on grows. Create a vision and commitment for your relationship. This focus gives you a place to stand when you get off track. It’s your job to hold the vision for the relationship and for each other. Where’s your focus?
4. Pour into your relationship what you most want.  Notice all the things you are blaming your partner for not bringing to the relationship and bring those very things yourself. Pour into the relationship that which you are seeking. The vibe and energy you bring to the relationship is vital.
5. Write your way.  Journal to get out the negativity, get clear on what you want to say, and then write your way to where you want to go. Use your journal to hold the image of the marriage that you want, and write to keep the path clear. Come create your free online journal and start today.

So what’s the secret sauce? Why do some people keep the magic alive while others don’t? The quick answer is intentionality and believing that a great marriage is possible. It is easy to find enough evidence to support the belief that it isn’t possible to have the marriage you desire. The difference is to start believing that something else is possible and committing together that you are setting out on a different path.

There is something completely magical and unique about when you first meet your future partner. You can ignite those feelings again. You can make the imaginary monster who threatens to take away the magic disappear when you take responsibility and control. You have a say as to whether or not your relationship is magical. There’s actually something greater that awaits couples willing to do the work to find intimacy again. We have power even when it feels like we don’t and it is absolutely possible to fall in love over and over and over again. You have the pen. How will your love story go?

Category: Connections